I can't even begin to express how I feel.
Oh wait, I can.
I HATE YOU.
I am here, trying to forge a life for myself, and you insist on ruining it every chance you get. Calling me worthless, calling me stupid, calling me a waste. Berating me for 7-hour stints at a time. Screaming at me until all I can hear is white noise. Verbally abusing me until I can feel nothing, because that's the only way I can get by. Telling me time and time again that you wish I was never born, just to spare you the embarrassment.
And here you are, telling me that I can no longer come home.
I have not considered that place my home in over 4 years.
And I have not considered you my mother for almost half my life.
I hate you for what you have done to me, to our family. I hate you for having so much influence over me, even when I am halfway across the world. I hate that you can so easily reduce me to tears. I hate that you have never shown me love, nor will you ever. I hate that you make me feel so horrible with barely a care on your part. I hate that I came from you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
Nothing you can ever do in the future will change this. You lost your chance a long time ago.
I want nothing more to do with you. Ever.
I want nothing more than to excise you from my life permanently.
You have now drawn the line.
So learn to stay the fuck on your side for the rest of your life.
Stay the fuck away from me.
And stay the fuck away from the people I love.
Whatever happens to you, I no longer care.
You'll never see me again. You will never hear my voice again. You will never hear of me again.
I will be better when that happens.
And you will be alone and miserable.
Exactly what you deserve.
You will never know that I only ever contemplated running away from home because of your vile nature. You will never know that I seriously debated suicide because of your abuse. You will never know that I was saved both times by friends and my father.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I wish I could forget you.